


come with us and we'll show you (what it means to be alive)

by OnceAndFloral



Series: Odin's little gift [1]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Brief suicidal ideation, Lovecraftian, Nonbinary Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, i'm so sorry if i missed some important tags, it lasts for a couple seconds but just a warning, yog-sothoth did not say trans rights and neither did odin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22901347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAndFloral/pseuds/OnceAndFloral
Summary: How Inspector Lyfrassir Edda became a Mechanism. Or at least joined the crew.
Relationships: Lyfrassir Edda & The Mechanisms
Series: Odin's little gift [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646122
Comments: 35
Kudos: 273





	come with us and we'll show you (what it means to be alive)

**Author's Note:**

> First off I would like to say that this story was inspired by three particular works on ao3, those being “Across the Vast Wastes of Space” by octovoid128, “Inspector Lyf Rights!’ by CertifiedPissWizard and “Stowaway Report #529247” by fAceTheFacts. The first two got me into the “Lyfrassir joins the mechanisms” trope and the third is what sparked my idea for eldritch!Lyfrassir
> 
> Second off I want to say that there are some Somewhat intense dream sequences, though nothing with more violence that you'd find in a typical Mechanisms story. I only mention this because I was playing around with some Lovecraftian themes of insanity, and there's a lot of feelings of helplessness and non-consensual touching (though it's not romantic or sexual in nature), so if that particular thing bugs you tread carefully. 
> 
> ALSO as of 3 days into writing this, someone else has published an eldritch!Lyfrassir fic so if you want more content of that go check out “eyes that show kaleidoscopes” by orcamermaid! It’s very soft and I love it.
> 
> The last thing is that the title is from “Abandon Ship” by Steffan Argus and I hc Lyfrassir as a fluid kind of nonbinary (though none of their genders are man or woman), and instead of Lyf being a nickname it’s a different name they use because their gender feels different that day (slightly inspired bc Lithrasir and Lif were the two humans that survived Ragnorok and Lif is the feminine form of Lithrasir)

Inspector Lyfrassir Edda’s entire system had been _destroyed_ by an unknowable monster. Not entirely unknowable, they supposed. They knew it, or at least a part of it. Against their will, the footage from the black box looped over and over and over and _over_ again in their head. They can see Frey rent asunder, see Garm and Tyr tear each other apart as Freya cries opaque tears. They see Odin, staring _right at them_ through the camera as she turns into an amalgamation of nightmares.

The first few days as they headed towards Hoddmimis were sleepless. Partially because they didn’t trust the autopilot to not get wonky what with all the interference coming from the Bifrost, and partially because they knew if they did, the only thing waiting for them are nightmares.

Eventually though, Lyfrassir did have to give into sleep even if it was against their will. Their dreams were filled with swirling rainbows, cackling and screaming and Odin. Standing there. _Staring_ at them. 

She isn’t there the first dream, but she appears the next one, and then the next one. Each time there’s more gore piled at her feet, and her smile seems a little more unstable. Lyfrassir was never able to breathe in these dreams, and woke up coughing.

The first time they slept after refueling at Hoddmimis, Odin was closer. They didn’t think much of it at first, but she grew closer each time. It wasn’t good, and Lyfrassir knew it, but they couldn’t move. Only watch Odin or lose themself in the roiling mass of colors.

Then it finally happened. When they came to in their dream, they were no longer standing. Instead they were laying on the ground with their head in Odin’s lap as she stroked their hair. Of course, this meant they were essentially half buried in the bloodshed that always surrounded her feet. Without breath, they couldn’t even gag at the awful stench of it. 

“You’ve gone a long way from home,” She crooned. “Our little gift.”

Warm blood soaked through Lyfrassir’s clothes as they shook in Odin’s arms. “Y-Y-Y…”

“Oh, shh, don’t waste your energy. I hope you know I’m not mad at you. Escape from the Bifrost is a tricky thing, you know. It’s hard when it’s always right there-” She tapped a finger to their temple. “-in your mind.”

Lyfrassir hated Odin. Hated her more than Von Raum or any of the others. She caused this, willingly invited the creatures from the Bifrost to feed upon the innocent lives of Yggdrasil. 

“You should appreciate it, Lyfrassir. You’re so very important to us.” Her thumb brushed a spot of blood on their cheek, only smearing it across their skin. “Almost as important as the Ratatosk, which is saying something when I spent so much more time on that train than you.”

Being compared to that infernal machine was not a compliment for Lyfrassir, even if Odin intended it as one. 

_“Show them what you’re made of, darling.”_

They jolted up in the seat they had fallen asleep in, coughing harder than any other dream before. The part that worried them more however was the dark black sludge they hacked up mixed in with their spit.

They were going to die, they realized. It may not have been rational, or even really possible but in this moment the only thing Lyfrassir could imagine happening was their heart stopping as they drifted forever in this cold spaceship.

They scrambled to send a signal without even checking the radar for a nearby ship. “Mayday, this is New Midgardian vessel Gullfaxi requesting immediate assistance.” Lyfrassir could barely get out every other word they were coughing so hard. It felt like they were going to vomit their entire respiratory system.

They repeated their message several times when they finally noticed a blip on the radar and repeated it even faster. They could barely see through the water coming to their eyes, and they were beginning to get lightheaded. 

_“Please,”_ they choked out.

Moments later, a message flashed across the feed. _Message received._

With that, a weight was lifted off Lyfrassir’s shoulders and they crashed to their knees, doubled over as the coughing continued.

The pain became so intense they had no idea nor concept of the time it took for the other ship to bring theirs in. It took almost the whole time for the coughing to stop. Thankfully, less and less of that black substance came from their lungs, which was probably a good sign, and by the time their ship was fully docked there didn’t seem to be any left.

Someone opened the door of Lyfrassir’s ship and they scrambled out, desperate to get out of such a cramped space. On their knees, they breathed in and out deeply, clearing their head and body of whatever panic attack they had just had. 

“Rather weak constitution, here,” Someone mused. 

“Inspector Lyf!” They froze at that voice. The voice of one of the last people Lyfrassir had seen alive.

They looked up and saw the face of Von Raum, la Cognizi and two others they didn’t recognize. One had black markings around his eyes and the other looked like some kind of soldier, albeit too stiff to be a human being.

The words of la Cognizi ring in their head. _Ah, then we should be going_. Marius said that he would tell them what happened on the Bifrost. They _knew_. They had known the entire _fucking_ time, had enough power to leave the cell any time they wanted and did nothing. 

With a broken, desperate cry they launched themself at Von Raum, tearing at his clothes and his face in hopes of causing just a fraction of the pain he had watched Lyfrassir go through.

They hear cackling, one of the two strangers said “oh, this is a fiesty one,” but they’re too consumed by rage to even get out a retort to that patronizing comment beyond.

Someone said something they couldn’t make out, Von Raum said “wait, they can die-!” and then something collided with the side of their head and they crumpled to the ground.

There were precious seconds as Lyfrassir’s head filled with cotton on their way to unconsciousness. The four figures leaned over them with varying degrees of interest. Choking on spit and tension, they spat “Fuck you,” and finally slipped  
away.

* * *

Lyfrassir woke up in the shittiest medical bay they ever had the displeasure of being in.

The whole thing was dirty, some places even covered with dried and flaking blood, and the organization of the shelves was horrendous. It gave them a headache just trying to look at it.

“Inspector Lyf, you're awake!” Said an all too familiar voice. If they had to be greeted by Von Raum’s voice one more time… 

_”Do not_ call me Lyf.” They sat up to try and find the bastard, but their vision was swimming so badly they felt close to fainting again. “You either call me Lyfrassir or Edda, or my full name.”

“Touchy, touchy.”

“I have a right after my entire system was destroyed!”

“Oh, I've watched plenty of worlds get destroyed, yours isn't special.”

Lyfrassir’s vision goes red but before they could choke Von Raum out the stiff soldier from earlier entered with a bright smile and a metal tray.

“I brought food!” It said cheerfully. 

“Good work, TS!” Von Raum replied. “What did you bring for our esteemed guest?”

“Raphaella said that iron, calcium and glucose were important dietary nutrients, so I got that!”

On the tray were three piles of scrap metal, bones and pure sugar respectively. Lyfrassir decided they didn't want to know where the bones came from. “Um…”

“Great choices. I'm not too sure what food the Yggdrasil system had so this will have to do.” He put the tray down on Lyfrassir’s lap. “Bon appetit.”

“Who…?” Lyfrassir trailed off.

“Oh, this is the Toy Soldier. Probably the friendliest person you’ll meet on this ship. Hm. Kind of a person.”

They stayed silent for a moment. “I don’t think I can eat any of this stuff.”

“Oh!” The Toy Soldier’s voice still sounded bright, though it had an odd tinge of disappointment to it. “I can go find something else!”

“You do that, TS!” Von Raum clapped its shoulder as it turned to go. “Maybe try something the crew eats at dinner.” He turned back to Lyfrassir. “Well then, it seems like you’re stuck with me. Welcome to the Aurora, Inspector Lyf.”

“Lyfrassir.”

“That’s what I said.”

Something twinged in their gut, but this was not the place to be making comments they shouldn't, so Lyfrassir kept their mouth shut.

The Toy Soldier returned with real food this time. At least real compared to their diet on the Gullfaxi and the stuff it had originally brought. Lyfrassir had to physically restrain the self from wolfing the whole thing down. They'd probably end up throwing it all up if they did that anyways. The Toy Soldier also looked infinitely pleased that it had brought something Lyfrassir enjoyed.

“So you're Inspector second class Lyfrassir Edda?” It asked as Von Raum tuned his violin in the corner.

“Um, yes. That's me. Were you on New Midgard?”

“Oh, heavens no! The others have just been trying to tell the story of the Bifrost Incident and you've been brought up a lot!”

So the shitshow had been given a name, huh? “Really.”

“We tell stories! We haven't decided who will tell yours. Maybe it will even be more than one song!”

Lyfrassir tried not to take too much offense by this information. The Toy Soldier just seemed to be trying to make conversation. They would feel terrible if they snapped at it anyways, so they just let it babble on.

* * *

Lyfrassir spent the next few days bedridden. As it turned out, eating the low-nutrient space food they had packed in a panic hadn’t been enough to properly support their body through several months of constant travel. That, and the minimal amount of sleep they had allowed themself took a toll as well. 

This meant, however, they had to put up with Von Raum’s infernal singing and violin. Every time they asked him to leave he took on a rather offended expression and said something about being the resident medic meant he had to watch over the infirm. It was hell. Living hell. 

Sleeping was a dangerous, precarious thing. Lyfrassir spent every spare moment in fear that the next time they closed their eyes they would see Odin, and this time she wouldn't let them go. They still didn't understand most of what she had been babbling about, but then again she was possessed by a god of madness. It could have all been delusions. Or the more likely (and less terrifying option) that it was just Lyfrassir's fractured mind summoning phantoms.

When Von Raum didn’t bother to sing, the violin was _tolerable_. Von Raum was a good player, though Lyfrassir would absolutely never say that to him. It would probably pump him so full of hot air they’d never hear the end of it. It was during one of these times, when Von Raum was playing something soft and slow and in the minor key that Lyfrassir fell asleep.

Their eyes slipped closed for just a second, and when they opened them they were no longer in the medical bay. They could still hear the haunting melody of Von Raum, even standing in the middle of this… void, was the best Lyfrassir could describe it.

It was an endless darkness that went in all directions. Their feet felt as though they rested upon something solid, but there didn’t appear to be anything below other than inky black. Lyfrassir squinted into it, trying to find some kind of shape to latch onto, but staring into it gave the same dizzy feeling as looking into the Bifrost.

That unexpected thought punched Lyfrassir right in the gut. They whirled around, half expecting to see Odin standing behind them, but there was nothing. But there had to be _something_ , they could feel it. They couldn’t be going insane. There was no way that they could handle that. 

The darkness started closing in. They couldn’t see it, but they simply knew it was happening. Something brushed against their palm and they yanked their hand back.

“Leave me alone!” They shouted. “You’re not supposed to be here anymore!”

Tendrils of void started to tangle around their feet. “You don’t have any power here!”

It didn’t seem to care much for what Lyfrassir had to say. Tentacle-like strips of darkness wove their wave up their legs, weaving together to trap them where they stood. The violin music rose to a crescendo. Any movement they made caused the net around them to hold tighter

Lyfrassir’s arms were pinned to their side. Breathing was infinitely more difficult than it already was. The tendrils had come to a stop around their neck, tight enough that they couldn’t move their head and nothing more.

A clear threat.

“Oh, we have been waiting to meet _you,”_ A voice said gleefully. Lyfrassir knew it was the void itself. “Odin’s little gift.”

“Odin is dead.” They said it with the kind of finality that should force it to be true. They had seen Odin tumble through the window with Thor on the black box.

“Not dead, though she is lost. But she lives on in you. A tiny piece so far from home.”

“Fuck off.”

Discordant laughter echoed through Lyfrassir’s mind. “Yes, yes! Struggling makes it so much _fun!_ The inevitable break is much more resounding then.” A soft noise of pain escaped them as their throat was squeezed tighter. “How long will it take, I wonder.”

“Before what?” Lyfrassir managed to spit out.

“Before you are warped beyond recognition. Before you are broken, and must come crawling to _us_ for stability.” That laugh grated against the very fabric of Lyfrassir's sanity again. “How funny that we will be the stable ones! We've never been called that before.”

“I will never-”

“You will.” They were deftly cut off. “We will be in every flickering shadow. In any non-existent figure in the corner of your eye, in all movements too quick. We will be there when you slip into madness, be it quietly or screaming until you have no voice, and we will be there to claim our progeny.”

It took them a few moments to register the wetness on their own cheeks, and for one terrifying instant, they were sure their tears weren't normal. That there was something wrong, but they could move their hands to check. The fact of not knowing, being unsure, made it all so much worse.

They woke up screaming. Something was still pinning them down, even in the living world and the feeling that they would never be free again was crushing down upon them. Lyfrassir wasn’t going to go down with a fight, the void wasn’t going to win-!

“Inspector, calm the fuck down!”

They stiffened, blinking rapidly to clear their sight. The weight pinning them wasn’t the tendrils of darkness, but the hands of Von Raum, D’Ville and the Toy Soldier. They were… they were in the medical bay, the room now filled with heavy silence now that Lyfrassir no longer screamed.

“What happened?” Their voice cracked in a rather embarrassing way.

“Well, you started freaking out in your sleep so I called for someone to get in here which seemed to mean the Toy Soldier,” Von Raum explained. “And I also got in Jonny and Ivy. Thanks for the help, by the way.”

Lyfrassir looked in the direction he was referring to and found Alexandria standing there, nodding as if Von Raum’s voice hadn’t been dripping with sarcasm.

She dragged her eyes up and down Lyfrassir. “Do you always do that?”

“Do what?” 

They looked back to Von Raum and D’Ville. Von Raum coughed indiscreetly and gestured to one of Lyfrassir’s arms. They looked down.

The edges of their whole body glowed with a rainbow light, like they had been outlined in a borealis or backlit by a non-existent Bifrost. They looked up to the Mechs in hopes that they’d give them some kind of clue as to what was going on. Alexandria watched with mild intrigue, Von Raum and D’Ville looked somewhat concerned, and the Toy Soldier, well… The Toy Soldier just smiled.

“It’s very pretty!” The Toy Soldier piped up. “You should do it more often!”

“What… what do I do?” Lyfrassir asked shakily. It felt as though if they made one move whatever was happening would explode.

“So this doesn’t happen?” Alexandria asked.

“Yes, this does seem to be new,” Von Raum remarked.

“What _is_ it?” Lyfrassir begged, hysteria creeping into the edges of their voice.

“Are they a host for Yog-Sothoth or what?” Jonny asked bluntly. The possibility of that and the tactlessness it was presented with sent Lyfrassir into a kind of shock.

“No, there's a very low chance of that,” Alexandria said, though she sounded very far away now as Lyfrassir stared at the sheets of their cot. “They never had any direct contact, and this is such a slow onset.”

“Well I definitely saw some rainbow bullshit going on there. We can withstand literally anything else but getting trapped with _that_ thing is a couple hundred, maybe thousand years of unpleasantness.”

Lyfrassir had to close their eyes. It was all too much.

“Do you think they're going to become another Bifrost rift?” Von Raum asked.

“I don't know. Ivy?”

“Well, if they really _are_ a Yog-Sothoth host, I don't think they'd necessarily become a rift, just a way for it to reach over and spread by touch.”

“So a rift?” 

“More like a conduit. I prefer to be specific.”

“Alright, out the airlock they go.”

Before Lyfrassir could fully process the implications of that, they were being lifted out of the bed. The air whooshed out of their lungs as they were tossed over someone’s shoulders. When they opened their eyes, they could tell from the jacket that it was D’Ville.

“Put me down!” Lyfrassir snapped, unable to do much more than wiggle around to try and escape.

“Ah, our Briar Rose wakes up from their stupor,” He said with a cloyingly sweet voice. “Decided to come back to the conversation, have we?”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Thought you might enjoy a scenic trip through the airlock to get some fresh air.”

“There’s no air in space!”

“Oh, well. At least it’s scenic.” 

Jonny started walking out of the medical bay, sending a little shock through Lyfrassir’s body with each step. They heard Alexandria and Von Raum hurrying after them, but neither said anything. Why didn’t they _say_ anything? Were they just going to let Jonny kill Lyfrassir like they let Yog-Sothoth kill every single person in the Yggdrasil system?

Of course they would. Yggdrasil had been billions of people, and Lyfrassir was just one. These people… things… _whatever_ didn’t care. They killed each other. After the destruction of their system, there was no one left to care about Lyfrassir Edda.

Suddenly, their back was being slammed against the floor as Jonny kneeled down inches from their face, one hand planted firmly on their chest while the other held the gun that was now resting the cold metal of its barrel against Lyfrassir's forehead. His eyes were hardened with fury, fingers digging into their shirt just slightly.

“What the _fuck_ was that?”

Lyfrassir would have shrunk back from the venomous tone had they not already been pinned to the ground. “What was what?”

 _”That!_ Don’t fucking lie to me, because I _know_ I would never feel like that.”

And then just like that, Lyfrassir saw that there was more than anger in Jonny’s eyes. There was a little bit of fear in there too. Lyfrassir didn’t know what had caused it, or what they had done to do so, but it was there, and D’Ville didn’t seem too keen on fear.

“Jonny, there is another thing they could be if they’re not a conduit,” Alexandria said.

“What is it?” D’Ville asked without removing his murderous gaze from Lyfrassir.

“They could be like Loki.”

That caused D’Ville’s eyes to flick up to her for just a second. “They don’t act like her though.”

“Same ailment, different symptoms.”

Lyfrassir thought back to the footage of Loki from the Ratatosk’s black box. The broken, mile-long gaze in her private room, unrecognizable and blank to Thor and Sigyn. Was Alexandria saying that Lyfrassir was going to become… that? 

They almost wanted D’Ville to toss them out of the airlock now.

“That sounds festive!” Von Raum finally said something. “That means that they won’t summon an outer god on top of us by existing, right?”

“There’s only a zero point zero zero two percent chance of that happening as of right now.”

“I like those odds! Keeps things exciting around here.”

Was this Alexandria and Von Raum standing up for them? They couldn’t tell, but it seemed like it, in their own weird way. 

“That also means that elder beings might stay away from them,” Alexandria mentioned quietly.

D’Ville thought about this for what felt like an eternity or just a second. The barrel of the gun pressed a little harder to Lyfrassir’s forehead and this was it. D’Ville was going to shoot them. It was a good run, but at least they weren’t going to go insane. At least they get to escape the void one more time.

Lyfrassir blinked as the gun pulled away with an agitated growl from D’Ville. “Fine. You guys win. I _will_ be complaining about it for the next millenia if you’re wrong.”

Von Raum leaned over Lyfrassir and grinned, holding two thumbs up as if this was comforting in any way. 

“I’m going to go organize the library,” Alexandria said. “I got some new books at our last stop and all of this… activity has kept me from shelving them.”

“I’ll help you,” Lyfrassir said immediately, scrambling to their feet. The Mechs stared at them. “I… I used to organize files back on New Midgard. It’s a bigger part of the job than people think.” Alexandria tilted her head in curiosity and they forced themself to look at their feet.

“Okay,” Alexandria’s answer was short, concise, to the point. It made Lyfrassir gain just a little more affection toward her. 

She grabbed their wrist and started dragging Lyfrassir in the direction of the rest of the ship. Behind them, they heard a gunshot. They couldn’t tell whether Jonny had shot Von Raum or vice versa.

Alexandria led them to a rather cozy library. It wasn’t… emotionally cozy. All of the shelves were made of the same cold metal as the rest of the ship, but the room was small and the stacks had been set up to make the most of the limited space. They twisted into each other, forming a small labyrinth. It reminded them of the evidence locker back on New Midgard, causing a brief twinge in Lyfrassir’s gut. 

“These are all the books we have to shelve.” Alexandria placed a hand on a cart loaded with tomes. “The shelves are organized by section, subsection, and then alphabetically. Example; literature, non-fiction, Burke. I’ll put the tracking stickers on the inside of the cover, hand them to you, and then you shelve them. Take five at a time.”

“Alright. Anything else?”

She thought for a moment. “The end of each shelf has a map on it. That should help you find the right sections.”

“Understood.”

Alexandria took a sheet of small, square stickers from the cart, opened a cover, and started placing the sticker up in the corner.

“Raphaella is going to want to get a look at you,” Alexandria hummed as she handed them the book. “Once she finds out about you being touched, at least.”

“Is there a better word we could use to describe this than ‘touched’?” They asked. “That sounds kind of… inappropriate.” 

“I’m sure Raphaella will give it a scientific name once she’s pinned down specifics of the condition. Or maybe you can name it. Anyways, that’s the short version of it. Touched by an outer god. Exposed is also a fitting adjective. Do you prefer one over the other?”

“Exposed sounds marginally better? They’re both bad.”

“Understandable.”

A period of time passes where Alexandria just handed books to Lyfrassir and in turn they go to the shelves and put them in the right place. Her meticulous organization of titles was in direct contrast to Von Raum’s medicine cabinet back in the bay. Over that time, Lyfrassir got comfortable enough with her that they started calling her Ivy in their head. 

Ivy was the one to break the silence. “Are you going to keep staying in the med bay?”

“I don’t know. It’s rather dirty there. When was the last time Von Raum cleaned?”

“Sanitation doesn’t matter too much to us since we just come back. The med bay is mostly just a place to dump bodies until the cycle’s done.” She paused, setting the next book down very gently in Lyfrassir’s arms. “You could try to talk to Ashes about getting a room. They are the quartermaster.”

“Ashes?” More and more Mechs just kept popping up. “How many people are on this ship?”

“Seven. Eight if you count the Toy Soldier. I think the only ones you haven’t met at this point are Ashes O’Reilly, Gunpowder Tim and Drumbot Brian.” She thought about something for a long while. “You can room with me if you want. Until Ashes gets you your own or you get dropped off. Or killed.”

“Are you okay with that eldritch stuff from earlier?”

“Truthfully, that’s twenty five percent of why I want to room with you. It’s rather fascinating, though I’m sure Raphaella would take even more of an interest. The three of us are kind of fond of you, you know.”

Lyfrassir raised an eyebrow. “Three of you?”

“Me, Marius and Raphaella. We were in the New Midgardian prison since you started working as an officer. You always came to see us the most.”

“Because I was the low man on the totem pole for a long time and no one wanted to talk to you so they made me do it.”

“Maybe, but it was fun to watch you. You were so nervous at first, and it took you forever to tell Marius to shut up. Me and Raphaella bugged him about that for a week.”

Lyfrassir could remember that moment. They were always so scared of the Mechs, the infamous bandits who terrorized the system for twenty years. Of course, there was only so much of impromptu musical numbers they could take before they got fed up and snapped. They also remembered they spent several hours at home agonizing over how they had stuttered.

Things were a little different now, weren’t they? Lyfrassir was far more scared of falling asleep than the Mechanisms (except maybe D’Ville). They could see shadows roiling in the darker corner of the library, and Lyfrassir pointedly ignored them.

* * *

Lyfrassir woke up in the med bay for what they decided would be the last time. They were going to take Ivy’s advice and go talk to Ashes about getting a room. Nothing against Marius, but the place was a health hazard. Actually, a lot against Marius, he was the one that was probably supposed to keep the room clean. Plus, he didn’t even _do_ all that much.

On the way to find Ashes, Lyf gathered up their courage and decided they weren’t going to be pushed around. They had been through years of interrogation with Von Raum, la Cognizi and Ivy, so Ashes wasn’t going to be any different. Even if they were technically a higher ranking crew member.

Fuck, they _had_ to stop psyching themself out. 

They found them playing a game of cards with Von Raum and one of the other crew members Lyf hadn’t met yet. Judging by the brass coloring, they took a confident guess and said Drumbot Brian. 

“Ashes O’Reilly?” Lyf asked.

They nodded. “Inspector Lyfrassir Edda?”

“Just Lyf today, actually.”

O’Reilly nodded again, this time in understanding. A brief moment of connection, and some unhelpful part of Lyf’s brain said _’same pronouns.’_ This was good. Lyf liked people who understood them.

“I wanted to talk to you about my current rooming situation.”

“Aw, but I thought you were having fun with me in the med bay!” Von Raum whined. O’Reilly shot him without glancing in his direction.

“We have an extra room,” Ashes confirmed. “Some of the previous boarder’s things might still be hidden around but I can set you up right now.”

“Do any of the things have the possibility of killing me?” 

They smirked. “Probably not. You seem like a sharp fellow.”

Lyf closed their eyes to take a deep breath. “Okay. That’s not any worse than I’ve been dealing with.”

“That’s the spirit. Now come on, we’ve got to go clear out some octokittens.”

* * *

After a bloodfest of mutant cats that took most of the day (how the _fuck_ were there so many), Ashes took them to the mess hall for dinner. Lyf was rather nervous about this. The rest of the time they had been eating their meals alone in the med bay, and before that alone in a small space ship, and before _that_ alone in their single bedroom apartment. They hadn't eaten with anyone, let alone people like the Mechanisms, in a long, long time.

The reality of the situation was solidified when blood spattered across their face the moment they walked through the door. D’Ville was laying facedown on the floor, blood creeping across the floor from underneath him as another Mechanism that Lyf didn’t recognize stood over him, looking rather bored with the situation. Gunpower Tim, probably, unless Ivy had been wrong about the residents of the Aurora.

“Should I go?” Lyf asked.

“It’s fine,” Ashes assured, pushing them further into the room. “He’ll be back up in time to eat.”

Thrilling. 

“Who’s this?” Time asked, stashing his gun away.

“Inspector Lyf Edda,” Ashes said for them. “You know. From the Bifrost Incident.”

“Oh, so one _survived?”_

Lyf dropped into a seat and hunched over to try and appear smaller. “You all have the grace and tact of politicians, you know that?” They mumbled.

“I try my absolute best to not be compared to a politician unless it’s with sarcasm like yours.” Tim remarked. 

This was going to be a long night.

The other Mechanisms filed in one at a time, and D’Ville got back up to his feet. Lyf kept to themself when food was served up, trying their best to not knock shoulders too much to the people sitting to either side of them. Of course, it couldn’t last forever.

“How has your time been onboard the Aurora been, Inspector Lyf?” la Cognizi asked.

“It’s been a time,” they muttered. They didn’t know if anybody had told her about the little incident yesterday.

“They’re very interesting!” The Toy Soldier chirped. 

“Thank you, Toy Soldier,” Lyf said quickly, trying to cut it off before it revealed more than they wanted. Fortunately, the Toy Soldier seemed so happy to be thanked it didn’t continue.

“Have the crew been treating you well?” Brian asked.

“I mean some asshole tried to throw me out of the airlock yesterday,” Lyf scowled, staring directly at D’Ville

Hardly looking up from his food, D’Ville shot them right in the chest.

Through the haze of pain, Lyf heard him let out a gently surprised “Oh, shit.” Like he'd forgotten that they were mortal and just shot them out of habit like the other Mechs.

Everyone was staring at them now as they stood up, bracing one hand on the table. Lyfrassir grazed their fingertips over the bullet wound. This was how they died. They softly chuckled, staring down at the blood now coating their fingers.

This was _so_ funny. They'd survived all the other bullshit on this ship, and now what was going to kill them was someone simply forgetting not everyone can survive getting shot when you were slightly annoyed by them. The chuckle rose to a giggle, then to full on hysterical laughter. It was funny that they were going to die, funny, funny, funny, funny…

“Lyf,” Ashes said cautiously. They couldn’t respond. They were laughing so hard that they couldn’t breathe, that tears were coming to their eyes. “You’re not dying.”

 _’What are you talking about?’_ Lyf thought. Of course they were dying, their chest hurt so much…

They looked down and saw the blood was gone, like it had never been there in the first place. The pain in their chest was from _laughing_ , and that was even _funnier_.

Lyf wasn’t going to die because they were a monster, and that was the most hilarious thing of all.

* * *

Hours later, after their neurotic laughter had died down, they were sitting in their new room contemplating just how fucked everything was. So the dreams weren’t just dreams. They couldn’t be, not after everything that had happened. Plus, now that they couldn’t die, they couldn’t just kill themself should the worst happen.

They stayed up late into the night, just sitting on the floor. They didn’t want to fall asleep. They could feel the void waiting for them, eager to bring them a little bit closer to the brink. 

It had been several hours of marinating in worry and self-loathing when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Come in,” Lyf said numbly. La Cognizi practically drifted in, holding a case in her arms. “Why are you up right now?”

“I kept thinking about what happened at dinner,” she confessed. “I was hoping you’d let me take a look at you.”

“Sure. What else could possibly happen?”

Glee flashed across la Cognizi’s face, but she quickly composed herself. “You can sit on the bed if you want.”

“I’m too tired to move right now.”

She knelt down in front of them. “Very well. Is the exhaustion from what happened?”

“No, no, this is more… existential.” 

La Cognizi took out a small device from the case and held it over where they had been shot. “The bullet isn’t in your chest anymore.”

“How do you know?”

“This is a metal detector.”

“Oh.” Lyf probably should have guessed that. They blinked as she suddenly shined a light into their eyes. “What do you think is wrong with me?”

“Wrong with you? I don’t think there’s anything _wrong_ with you. You are fascinating to me, Inspector.”

Even though la Cognizi was mostly coming from a place of scientific interest instead of emotional connection, her words comforted Lyf just a little bit. “So then… what’s happening?”

“I don’t have the faintest clue yet!” la Cognizi beamed. “You weren’t in the Yggdrasil system when Yog-Sothoth awakened, though it may be possible that you were close enough to catch some of the ‘radiation.’ It may also have something to do with the black box as well. Did you know your irises have a refraction effect around the edges?”

“Huh?”

She clicked her light pen. “It disperses the white light into a mild rainbow effect. You know, like a prism?”

“I, uh, I didn’t know that.”

La Cognizi nodded, pulling out a notepad and scribbling something down onto it. One of the comments she had made earlier suddenly hit Lyf.

“Wait, what would the black box have to do with this?”

“Elder gods are kind of tricky things. They’re as much mental as they are physical. I’m sure you heard Odin mention the whispers she heard from Yog-Sothoth telling her to build the train. Anyways, witnessing the contents of the footage may technically be enough to have some kind of touch on you, since they are now inside your mind, in a way.”

Lyf felt very dizzy all of the sudden. Fuck. _Fuck,_ watching the tapes did this to them? But on the other hand, if they hadn’t watched them they wouldn’t have known what the Ratatosk arriving would entail, and they would have been swallowed by the horrors. But that also meant that they might be endangering others because-

They remembered Odin’s words. _“Our little gift.”_ They understood now. Their escape wasn’t the gift, Lyf themself was Odin’s gift to the rest of the universe. A tiny, living piece of the Bifrost. 

“I think I’m going to vomit,” Lyf croaked.

“Is this related to your condition?” la Cognizi asked.

“No, I’m…” They shuddered. “I think you’re right. About the black box. I’ve had these-these dreams about Odin and I was hoping that maybe it was just PTSD from my system being destroyed, but now I think they’re real.”

This piqued her interest. She held her notepad closer, leaning towards Lyf. “Can you tell me about them?”

They told la Cognizi about the dreams in graphic, vivid detail. They couldn’t help it. It was like a floodgate had been opened, and now that Lyf was telling someone they had to tell it all. For her credit, la Cognizi didn’t seem bothered by it at all. She merely nodded along, occasionally scribbling something down and then going back to listening.

“You said you coughed something up after the first dream,” She said when they were done. “Can you do it again?”

“It wasn’t exactly a voluntary body function.”

“Then do you know where I can get a sample?”

“I mean, as long as you haven’t cleaned my ship there should be some of it dried to the inside-”

“Perfect.” She rose to her feet. “Would you like to come?”

“And gather up some weird stuff I coughed up after a trauma-ridden nightmare? I think I’ll pass. That’s kind of gross.”

“Science must be kind of gross sometimes,” she said gravely. She instantly grinned again. “I’ll report you of my findings as soon as I know!”

“Thanks, I suppose.”

Lyf watched Raphaella practically fly out the door. They let themself keel over to the side and closed their eyes. Sleeping sounded wonderful right now, whatever gods they may meet in their dreams be damned.

* * *

The next week was one of exploring the Aurora. Lyfrassir worked on forming a mental map of it, marking certain rooms, ranging between _safe_ and _avoid at all costs_. Most fell somewhere in between. Their own room and Ivy’s library were the only ones marked as completely safe. 

Because of this they found an awful gash in the floors of one of the side halls. They knelt down to look at the patchy wiring. It looked like someone had accidentally blown a hole in it (probably D’Ville or Tim) and someone else with very little electrical training had haphazardly tied in new wires.

“Ah, good morning, Inspector Lyf!” Von Raum called, standing next to where they sat.

“Lyfrassir.”

“Yes, Lyfrassir,” He amended. “What are you doing out here?”

“What have you been doing to take care of your ship?” Lyfrassir frowned, leaning in to get a closer look at the jury-rigged wiring.

“Well, frankly, it’s mostly been Ivy reading reference books about ship care,” Von Raum confessed. 

“But Ivy has two jobs already. This isn’t even close to either of her job descriptions.”

“I didn’t say it was fair. We used to have an engineer, but, ah, she’s not here anymore.”

Lyfrassir brushed their fingertips against the cool metal. They nodded, then gently patted it. “We’re going to get you fixed up.”

Rising to their feet, they started towards the hangar bay. “Did you keep the ship I came here on?”

Von Raum followed after them. “Yes, but we were planning on blowing that up tomorrow night for some fun.”

Lyfrassir rolled their eyes. “You’re idiots.”

Once in the hangar, Lyfrassir made a beeline for the little ship they had trundled across the universe in. They ignored the flag and serial number painted to the side that labeled this ship as a New Midgardian vessel and instead popped off one of the side panels and started digging around inside.

“Uh, what are you doing? You’re an inspector, not an engineer.”

“Yea, Von Raum, an inspector for the fucking _transport police_. I have to know how ships work to do my job right.” They carefully disconnected the right colors of wires. “Can you get me your old engineer’s tools?”

Von Raum seemed to need a moment to think about that. “Sure.”

“Meet me back at the breach.”

* * *

Lyfrassir had sorted through all of the wires and organized them into little piles by the time Von Raum came back with the tools.

“Took you long enough,” They mumbled. They accepted the box and started digging around for the plasma coupler. “No wonder this ship is falling to bits.”

“That’s rather rude for a guest of said ship.”

“Excuse you. I am being nicer to the Aurora than you probably have for the entire time you’ve been here.” The ambient hum around them rose for a few seconds. Lyfrassir smiled. “See? She agrees with me.”

Fixing the wiring took five minutes, tops. There were probably countless other spots that needed repair, but it felt good to make even a little portion better. The Mechs’ previous engineer—whoever she was—probably would have done a better job, but Lyfrassir was pretty proud of their own work.

“Don’t you have a bosun?” Lyfrassir asked as they sealed the panel shut.

“... What’s a bosun?”

Lyfrassir rolled their eyes. “The crew member that manages collecting scrap and material for fixing the ship and maintains the deck. You know, someone to keep track of all the damage and report it?” Von Raum’s blank expression communicated a lot with no words. “Not everything about being on a ship is about pillaging. You have to take care of it.”

“Talk to Jonny or Ashes about it if you care so much.” He leaned against the wall and pouted.

“You _live_ here. Aurora is a high class sentient ship. How would you like it if I ripped your arm off and stuck on a mannequin’s?”

“Yeesh, you’re getting a little violent there. You sure we haven’t been influencing you a bit?”

“I just think you should be appreciating the Aurora more considering she’s been carrying your stupid ass around.”

Von Raum laughed, a loud and genuine sound that echoed down the empty hallway. “You’re really starting to fit in around here.”

Blood rushed to Lyfrassir’s face. “That is _not_ a compliment!”

“Well, that was kind of an insult.”

* * *

After a week of spending time fixing up patches around the ship, Ashes told Lyfrassir that D’Ville wanted to talk to them in his quarters. This did not bode well. D’Ville’s room was marked as _avoid at all costs_ in Lyfrassir’s mental map. Even though they had survived their last bullet wound, it was not a pleasant experience and Lyfrassir was rather keen on preventing it from happening again. 

Still, they end up hovering in the doorway. If they hadn’t, D’Ville probably would have hunted them down in the Aurora and killed them. They had a feeling he was rather comfortable with killing them now.

“Shut the door behind you,” He said, leaning against a desk in one corner.

“Is this so no one hears me screaming?” Lyfrassir asked as the door clicked shut.

D’Ville snorted, lighting a cigarette between his lips. “I hardly care about that. I just have to talk to you about something and I didn’t want an interruption.”

“You have to at least take me out for dinner first.”

“I’m not fucking-!” D’Ville deflated a little when they saw Lyfrassir’s grin. They were really taking Marius’ comment to heart. “Right, well… Marius told me you know how to fix the ship,” He seemed to be picking his words very carefully, which was pretty out of character as far as Lyfrassir knew.

“I know the basics of technology for ships for my job.” They kept their response as concise as possible, tone level.

“He also mentioned the word… bosun.”

“I served under a bosun for six months during training to recognize and diagnose damage made to ships. For my job, as well.”

D’Ville and Lyfrassir stared each other down for a good thirty seconds as he took a long drag from his cigarette. Lyfrassir was not going to falter this time. They knew if they gave an inch to Jonny, he’d use it to shove them into space. Finally Jonny breathed out a cloud of smoke, flicking away some ash from the tip of the cigarette.

“Do you think you can handle being on board the Aurora?”

Ah. So the question was being officially posed. This was the moment Lyfrassir had to make up their mind. If they said no, D’Ville would dump them off on the next planet and that would probably be the last they saw of any of them. And if they said yes, they were never going to leave. An eternity with these vagrants, now that Lyfrassir seemed to be immortal as well. They think about Ivy, Raphaella, Marius, Ashes, even Brian and Tim to some degree even though they hadn’t spent much time. 

Lyfrassir held their gaze steady. “I survived Yog-Sothoth. Anything you try to torment me with is playtime.”

That seemed to be the right answer. A wry smile tugged at Jonny’s lips and something that might be respect flashed through his eyes. “Can you play anything?”

Now it was Lyfrassir’s turn to smirk. “I learned cello in school, if that’s of any use to your band.”

“Well, your whole life has just been leading up to this moment, hasn’t it, Inspector?”

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY that’s done! I’m gonna be posting more for this probably. I spent a lot of time deciding when to switch from the mechs’ last names to their first names for Symbolic Reasons. My next fic is either going to be a deeper dive into what Lyf’s powers do or me dumping all of my gender feelings onto them. Either or.
> 
> If you have any questions feel free to ask me! I always love feedback and comments. Kudos are also much appreciated!
> 
> Also, I have a writing blog on tumblr @onceandfloral-writing if you want to talk to me there! You can also send me a discord friend code and i'll add you


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